Overcoming misconceptions can take lots of focus, especially when we limit out thoughts, behaviors or beliefs.
Our stories are a piece of what make us who we are and when we keep stories inside, they can morph, change and accelerate over time- this can be good, or not so good. Especially when it connects to misconceptions.
Nurse Coaches understand that when a client’s story is spoken aloud and listened to with a heart, it uncovers the possibility to reshape, re-frame and begin healing.
This what this blog is about. Learning to re-shape my own stuck story and overcome the misconceptions, and what I learned from it.
Dispelling An Opinion of Professional Success
I have been working on dispelling an opinion of professional success for a long time. You see, I am a Registered Nurse and a board certified Nurse Coach, but only a few years ago, I was also a national fitness presenter and trainer and a Reebok sponsored Fitness Athlete. I’ve presented in some big venues, for lots of people.
In the fitness industry, one is considered successful if they attract large numbers of people into their fitness classes. The term, Rock Star, is often used to describe this success, with shouts of accolades like, “You are such a Rock Star!”
What’s a Rock Star?
But what’s a rock star mean? Dictionary.com defines rock star as, a “rock-'n'-roll star or celebrity”. And, “a star or celebrity in any field or profession, or anyone who is highly admired”. I realize Rock Star can be used as a way to describe one who is successful, or skilled at what they do.
To me, despite my years of fitness commitment, practice and skill, the term rock star still didn’t feel like a compliment, perhaps it is because of my years of service as a Nurse, where I did not receive accolades of rock-star-ness, because Nurses generally do the work of caring in silence and quiet compassion, whatever the reason, being called a Rock Star just didn’t sit well with me
REAL face to face connection
You see, I really enjoy personal connection- REAL face-to-face connection, where I can look you in the eye, and we can speak heart to heart. I want to be WITH you, where I can hear your voice, listen to your intention and feel you on a deep level. In fact, I actually crave this kind of authentic connection and it fills my heart up so full!
So, when I hear ‘rock star’ thrown around as a compliment, I work hard to avoid my internal cringe, and here’s why.
A Rock Star does not see you
When you attend a rock concert, you pay good money to hear someone you appreciate, and you want to listen and see them. But a rock star does not really see you.
Now, I don’t discredit the energetic exchange felt between fans and rock stars, but to me, even despite that energy, there are no real, solid, personalized interactions between said rock star and the people listening.
The band is usually far away and high up on a stage, behind blinding lights, loud music and security guards. The band can’t see or connect to you. Sure rock stars can hear you in the crowd screaming or singing and perhaps see the shape of your body swaying to their beats. Maybe a rock star will jump off stage into the crowd to body surf, or dance in front of you, but there is no real connection- the kind that makes MY heart happy and full anyway.
There is an imaginary wall between a rock star and fans
At a rock concert, there is an imaginary wall between a rock star and fans. To make this disconnection more concrete, to meet a rock star, you have to get a back stage pass, where, hopefully you might speak to them and get their autograph and that’s it. And most times you have to pay big bucks to get there.
My success was measured by the number of people in a room
For my many years as a fitness presenter, my success was measured by the number of people in a room. This view of success got to the point where I began to think my value and self-worth was based on the number of people I could attract. It became ingrained in me- “…get lots of people in the room, and you will be the rock star everyone claims you are”.
Being called a rock star never sat well in my heart.
I worked hard at my fitness skills, practiced, studied and became exceptional at my craft, so, people did come, and they enjoyed it and I loved that they took time to care for themselves. But still, I cringed when someone said, “Nicole, class was great! You’re a Rock Star!”
I started a new professional role; Nurse Coach
And then I started a new professional role; Nurse Coach, focusing on health and wellness coaching and health workshops and, well, honestly, attendance numbers became low- like, I mean, one, two, five…none….
I heard the tiny rock star gremlin say…
I heard the tiny rock star gremlin saying… “Nicole, you suck, you’re not good at this.”, “People don’t like you.” That little crackling voice, “you are not successful.” “You are not good at what you do.” “You should quit.” “People don’t want what your teaching.” That little monster was a bitch.
The gremlin talked me out of creating a community health promotion program because she said, “no one will come”. She constantly voiced her dissatisfaction of my work and she convinced me that I should stop what I was doing, because, “you’re not good enough”.
But then, one day, I told that gremlin to eff-OFF!
Success is not based by how many people are in the room
You see, success is not based by how many people are in the room. Instead, success can be based on the quality of the people in the room. The energy, the intention, the hope, the desire, the curiosity, and the connection we feel when we are together.
It really doesn’t matter how many people are in the room, for even if there is one person attending, because they become the most important person in that time and space. When we give them our authentic love, energy, presence, share wisdom and connect on a personal level, we create a healing environment that is unparalleled.
You become the most important person
And if you are the only one in the room (yes, this has happened to me too), guess what? YOU become the most important person in the room and then you give yourself all the love, compassion and kindness you can.
It becomes an opportunity to focus on self-care, and giving back to yourself.
People want to be with you
The truth? People want to be with you, because you want to be with them. They respect you. Your wisdom, your ideas, your energy. They want to spend time with you. They value you and what you bring to a situation. They like your laugh, your thoughts, your vision of what can be. They appreciate your insights, your presence, and the way you listen with your authentic heart. And for these reasons, (and many more) you too are a Rock Star.
You too, are a Rock Star, it’s just sometimes we might need help re-framing, or refocusing what a word can mean.
How I re-framed this notion of ‘rock star’ status
So, how did I re-frame this notion of rock star status into something more palatable? Especially because most of us Nurses shy away from being in the lime light?
It took LOTS of self-work, self-compassion, and self-love- lots of it. But it was time well spent, and here, I share my top learning, in the hopes that if you are struggling with your own identity, my awareness might help. And if you need more help, we can provide coaching to help you move beyond your self-limitations and barriers.
Tips to help you overcome misperceptions
Try Journaling
Take about 15-30 minutes every other day to journal. Ask yourself specific questions to dial into the details. For example, ‘what does rock star mean to me?’ or, ‘what do I want from my business?’ or, ‘what is holding me back from being in the lime light?’, or, ‘what would I look like as a rock star?’ ‘what do I want to get our of xyz experience?’.
Asking yourself specific questions, and the allowing space for reflection opens up so many more possibilities to grow. Reading what you wrote, opens up the flow of self-reflection that creates opportunity.
Writing on paper need not be fancy- although sometimes it’s fun to go shop for a cool journal book that inspires you. I use a lawyers pad I bought at the dollar store, and write with whatever utensil is around- sometimes it’s even a sharpie marker, because I love the thick black lines.
Accept compliments
How many times have you accepted a compliment without trying to re-direct it? You know, someone says, “You did a great job in your presentation!” You say, “Really? I wish I could have prepared better.”
Instead, try this; when they say, “You did a great job in your presentation!” You say, (deep breath in and out) “Thank you! I enjoyed having you there.” That’s it! Nothing else is necessary. Just say, ‘thank you’. Then notice how that feels in your body, without any judgment.
Create a personal affirmation
Sometimes our minds can be on a continuous loop of chatter. At times it’s good chatter, and other times, it’s not so good.
Creating a personal affirmation re-directs the not-so-good chatter, and newer science says positive self talk can even change our brains wiring- called neuroplasticity and rewire new, more positive patterns of programming.
My go-to positive affirmation is, “My body is wise and strong.” I actually have movements that go along with each word too- maybe someday I’ll share a video of me saying and doing both!
When I get into ruminating, with junk like, “I’m not smart enough to host that presentation”, or, “nobody wants to know what you think.”, I pull out my positive affirmation phrase, and say it out loud, with full on feeling, 4 times in a row. “My body is wise and strong! My body is wise and strong! My body is wise and strong! My body is wise and strong!”
Move!
Your mind is connected to your body, which is connected to your spirit. When one is off, you’ll likely feel off too. Adding movement into your life will positively affect your energy, your mood and it is an outlet for creativity!
I have developed my best ideas, proposals, visions and more while in the midst of sweat and hard work. Movement need not be super strenuous to be effective. Try tai chi, yoga, water fitness classes, group fitness classes, or just lace up and walk in nature! Move in ways that suit you.
Self-reflection & self-discovery removes barriers
Self-reflection and self-discovery removes barriers. Discovering our strengths, working through issues and giving ourselves compassion and kindness is what Nurse Coaching is all about. We intimately know the tools we give our clients, and when we use them on ourselves, we uncover new possibilities and ways to our own healing and self-love.
You are loved,
Nicole
Nicole Vienneau, MSN, RN, NC-BC earned her Master's degree in Nursing Science & System's Leadership from the University of Arizona (go Cats!), and believes it's important to continuously learn & grow in life’s journey.
She achieved an Integrative Nurse Coach board certification through the American Holistic Nurses Credentialing Corporation & graduated with an Advanced Nurse Coach certificate from the International Nurse Coach Association (INCA), & a certificate in Advanced Clinical Nutrition in an Integrative Nurse Coaching Practice from the Institute for Functional Medicine & INCA.
She is Faculty with the Integrative Nurse Coach Academy and an approved supervisor for Nurse Coach students, a Functional Aging Specialist and Brain Health Trainer with the Functional Aging Institute, a Menopause Fitness Specialist, a certified National Fitness Presenter with the American Council on Exercise & Personal Trainer with the Athletics & Fitness Association of America, a 200 YTP Yoga Instructor with the Yoga Project (Thailand), a former Reebok Sponsored Fitness Athlete, Educator & Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend & Crazy Cat Lady.